When I first entered my husband’s village, I felt as if I was entering the gates of hell. Walking through the village, I felt all eyes on me, as if I was being sized up to be burned at the stake or boiled in a big pot. Even Mark seemed nervous, sweating in anticipation of what would happen next. He was walking in front of me as if I was a wounded bird that needed protection, apparently worried that if the village people sensed weakness they would attack. You might already be in the village and feeling like you’re fighting your way through, wounding people and being wounded every day.
Maybe a little dramatic? Absolutely! This is catastrophic language for a non-catastrophic event. But I think this is how we look at the village at times, as if it’s this group of cannibals that want your head on a plate. But I think the majority of craziness is in our heads. As second wives, we can feel very intimidated by the village and in some cases paranoid. We also need to cut ourselves some slack — it’s not easy meeting people or families for the first time, especially when they don’t necessarily want to meet you. Who wants to be around that? I know I didn’t. But the people in the village are just that — people. Everyone has a story and who are we to judge? No matter what you may have heard, you need to be as open as possible.
I believe wholeheartedly that the rules and how we play this game have to change. This is a new world and what we did before doesn’t work anymore. As second wives, we need to remember that more and more blended families are being formed every day. We need to take off our armour and raise the white flag.
The old way of playing the game was — “you’re the first wife, so I don’t like you,” and “you’re the second wife, so I don’t like you either.” Those days are over. It’s time to rewrite the rules. Too many children have been wounded in the crossfire and someone needs to lead these families out of the wilderness. Who will it be? Who is prepared to say enough is enough? Who’ll say “I’m sorry” first? Who’ll be the hero in the family?
If you haven’t already, please don’t forget to join the Second Wives Community. You can do that by going to my website www.secondwiveshq.com
I would love to hear how my book has impacted or helped you as a second wife and stepparent in your blended family. Send me an email and let me know.
And always remember – You are Second to None!!
The Second Wives’ Guide
Angela Vassallo xx