Have you fallen into the trap of making a romantic time for your relationship once a year on Valentine’s Day? What about the other 364 days of the year? What if you worked on making Valentine’s Day once a week or a once a month event? Something to think about?
We already know, being the second wife, and part of a blended family has it’s challenges and strains on a marriage. That’s why it’s so important to make time for your relationship. And not just on Valentine’s Day, where the roses are double the price, the cards are ridiculously over priced, and the restaurants are full with only two seatings. One seating is so early, you feel like your parents eating at 5.30pm, and the other is so late your yawning at dinner thinking about how many hours before the kids wake up.
I believe that being in a second marriage is all about second chances. Sometimes so much has happened in a marriage that it seems too hard or almost impossible to work things out. What you don’t want is your marriage to become another statistic of di- vorce. You want to be able to use this second chance and get it right. In a second marriage, the odds are stacked against you before you even start. If my marriage was a horse, it would have been considered a risky bet — its future was too unpredictable. In a second marriage, the problems often become magniﬁed because there are so many other factors involved in your relationship.
Keeping a second marriage alive and strong means prioritizing time for each other. This is important in any relationship, but it’s especially important in a second marriage. One of the best ways to stay connected with your partner is date nights. I love date nights because: I can dress up, we can go out for dinner or to a bar, sometimes we see a movie, but most of all because it’s our time with no kids and no distractions. I can talk to my husband about anything. We can tune in and each can ﬁnd out how the other is going. We can be fully present, with no texting, no TV, no screaming kids, just time together alone. If you added up how much time alone you and your partner have like that in a week, I think you’d be shocked how little it really is. That’s why it’s so important to schedule it.
And not just on Valentine’s Day!
If you’re not growing, you’re decaying. Your relationship is the same. It needs to be growing and evolving or it will become stale and decayed.
Compliment your partner — tell them how great they look or how well they did something. People are often too quick to judge, whether it’s their boss, kids, friends or partner. A compliment given with love and appreciation can make someone’s day.
Find out what makes your partner feel most loved. Is it a night out, ﬂowers, a compliment, breakfast in bed or help with the kids? Everyone is different so ﬁnd out what makes your partner feel special.
Appreciate each other. Tell your partner regularly why you appreciate them and ask them to do the same. A marriage is a meeting of the heart and mind, so remind yourself what it is that brought you two together.
Remember — by prioritising your relationship with your spouse, your marriage will be stable and the kids will feel secure and safe. Don’t sacriﬁce that “for the kids.”
I have to admit, I get sucked in by Valentine’s Day, waiting for my ﬂowers or card, and if I am lucky a gift. We dress up go out for a lovely dinner, drink champagne and have fun. But, I also work hard on making those nights a regular event, and call them date nights. So, get your calendar out and schedule in date night next month too. And, let’s keep these second marriages alive, and together!
Happy Valentine’s Day!!
Always remember, You are Second to None!
Angela Vassallo – The Second Wives’ Guide xx