Caveat emptor is Latin for “Buyer beware.” Generally speaking, it’s the Property Law Principle that controls the sale of real property after the date of closing, but it can also apply to other goods — including husbands.
When we first buy something, be it property or a new dress, we fall in love with that purchase and are so excited. We don’t always see the faults or problems, because we’re so in love and positive about it. You may also have heard of the term “buyer’s remorse.”
Before entering the “village,” you need to have your eyes wide open. Avoid looking at your relationship through rose- tinted glasses, only ever seeing the positive in everything. When I first met Mark, I was deliriously naïve. I loved him, I believed he was my soul mate, I thought he was everything. That much was true. I thought that I could take on being a second wife, a step-parent, the whole village, and it was all going to be perfect! Not so true.
At the start, I was seeing everything through rose-tinted glasses, and not just a normal pair of glasses — mine were as big as a clown’s glasses! Like most people, I certainly wasn’t reading the fine print for this “purchase.” I had no idea what was ahead of me. Now, with hindsight and maturity, I really believe that being forewarned is being forearmed.
One of the best ways to improve your life and avoid feeling like I did, is to create boundaries. Think about the times in your life where you feel worried, concerned, or sick in the stomach about coming into contact with that person or that situation. These are the times where you need to set boundaries. With the things that bother and worry you the most, you need to find a place in your life with boundaries around them.
Getting off on the right foot in your relationship is so important. This is not a dress rehearsal. So many women I meet tell me they really want it to work and create a wonderful marriage and blended family. They accept and understand what it takes to be a second wife and stepmother. But they don’t want to waste time, either. They’re taking this purchase seriously and they’re reading the fine print, and the fine print is all about being cautious and setting your boundaries up front.
Don’t feel guilty for asking for what you want out of your relationship and life. Remember, if you are happy and content in your marriage and you are putting your needs first, then you will be able to give more of yourself to everyone.
If you haven’t already, please don’t forget to join the Second Wives Community. You can do that by going to my website www.secondwiveshq.com
I would love to hear how my book has impacted or helped you as a second wife and stepparent in your blended family. Send me an email and let me know.
And always remember – You are Second to None!!
The Second Wives’ Guide
Angela Vassallo xx