The modern stepmum seems to be a woman who can handle anything that’s thrown at her. She can leap over stepchildren in a single bound. She can bring peace and order to the world. She has a very demanding job and is the most flexible person you’ll ever meet. She can take abuse hurled at her from every angle and still get up for more. She can sense an ex-wife in her vicinity from 100 paces. She is “Super Stepmum,” working hard for the greater good of blended families everywhere.
Do we really need this pressure? On top of everything else we have to contend with in life? No, we don’t. We’re only human — cut us and we bleed. Under the capes, we have souls and feelings.
There will be times when you feel as if you need superhuman strength to carry out this role as a stepmum. I remember how many times I was asked to understand everyone else’s feelings. “You need to understand, you need to understand…” I felt like screaming “I understand more than anyone, because I’m living it every day! But just once, it would be nice if someone would understand my feelings.” There will be days like this, where you’ll be expected to do all the understanding of other people’s feelings while yours are completely irrelevant and ignored.
I believe the key to handling everything as a stepmum is to make sure you protect yourself. Set your boundaries and enforce your internal shield to protect you from the negative. Many things that were once massive issues in my life as a stepmum have gone now. Things change, just as they do in any family. You may have had problems or issues in a relationship with a family member when you were younger, which have since dissolved. We evolve and situations and issues that were a problem work themselves out over time.
In the meantime, though, while you’re in the middle of working your way through it, it’s important to not become the martyr. You mustn’t allow yourself to be sucked into the drama of others. Stay above it all, you’re the most powerful person there for yourself and to help others. It’s not up to us to take on everything and solve everyone’s problems. Our role as a stepmum in the home is to be a support and bring together a family unit that’s safe, happy and harmonious. This won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.
Don’t let becoming a stepmum hold you back from being happy. Look at it as an adventure, a new phase in your life. This role can bring you more than you know and you’ll find out more about yourself that you ever thought possible. A stepmum is a very selfless role to take on.
The greatest gift you can ever give your husband is to love his children, to be kind to them, and to accept that they’re an important part of his life, just as you are. Loving someone takes time, but being kind and accepting of someone can be instant. If you want a happy harmonious marriage, be kind to his children.
Remember Zig Ziglar’s quote —
“You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough people get what they want.”
If you haven’t already, please don’t forget to join the Second Wives Community. You can do that by going to my website www.secondwiveshq.com
I would love to hear how my book has impacted or helped you as a second wife and stepparent in your blended family. Send me an email and let me know.
And always remember – You are Second to None!!
The Second Wives’ Guide
Angela Vassallo xx