One of the biggest inspirations in my life has been Oprah.
I consider her a mentor, because whenever things were challenging in my life, I’d watch Oprah and she’d always say something I needed to hear at that moment. Nothing was more profound for me than her final speech in her last show. In that show, she said something that changed me as a person. It was my “aha” moment. She said that in all her 25 years of interviewing and meeting people from all over the world in all walks of life, one common thread ran through everyone was this — the need for validation and the feeling that they’re worthy. Oprah explained that need like this- “Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?”
Validation is the most important thing that people long for in life. Babies cry for it and grown men die for it. As a second wife, you need to realise that you may not get this validation in your new family for a long time. Don’t expect much from your husband’s side of the family at the beginning. You need to have a thick skin. Things will eventually become easier and the validation you’re searching for will eventually come with time. It’s all about delayed gratification.
Delayed gratification is not a term we’re familiar with these days. We want everything now. The world has become a place where if you want something, you can get it almost straight away. When you become part of a blended family, though, you quickly learn that it’s not all about you. Of course you can’t and shouldn’t delay your own needs forever. Patience and empathy will be the keys in guiding you through this time.
When you become part of a family dynamic like this one, you need to know that not everyone will accept you straight away. It may sometimes feel like a lonely road you’re travelling, but you’re not alone. Millions of second wives all over the world feel just like you. As more and more women are becoming second wives and step-parents every day, it’s also becoming more accepted and respected. The more we can embrace our blended families and understand how to manage the situation, the better off we’ll be.
If you haven’t already, please don’t forget to join the Second Wives Community. You can do that by going to my website www.secondwiveshq.com
I would love to hear how my book has impacted or helped you as a second wife and stepparent in your blended family. Send me an email and let me know.
And always remember – You are Second to None!!
The Second Wives’ Guide
Angela Vassallo xx